Ask Neycha: Blue-collar by Choice
2008-02-13
Dear Neycha:
I’m a blue-collar guy by choice. I attended both college and grad school but ultimately made the choice that saving lives as a firefighter was both a passion and a calling. The problem comes when I date women who consider themselves “professionals”. The woman I’m dating now is an attorney on the track to make partner. The more she’s had to do the dinner party and reception circuit to lobby for position, I’m finding that she’s including me less. At one dinner party I found out that she said I was “in medicine”, implying that I was a doctor. Clearly she doesn’t see me as being on her level or those of her friends. Outside of dumping her, which I plan to do, how do I address the issue since it’s not the first time this has happened with a woman?
Blue-collar by Choice
Dear Blue :
Lovey, this is a no-brainer. Give your lady her walking papers, today! Life is too short to waste time on those who are un-deserving. Your current honey, and those like her are super un-original. Didn’t you ever hear your grandma say, “don’t suffer fools lightly”! Say goodbye. There are plenty of women of strong substance and character who are willing to meet you right where you are in your life.
You address the issue in the future by seeking partners who can appreciate you for who you are – not the title or degree you hold - or the amount of money you make. That is so boring. Given that you write this has happened before with other women who consider themselves “professionals”, it’s time for you to check yourself. If you are attracting women who are ultimately ashamed of you, (that must suck) here’s an opportunity to look in the mirror. Take it!
Where is your own self-concept wounded? Do you harbor any hidden judgments about status, class, culture, etc? Why do you define yourself as “blue-collar”? Really?! Is that the total sum of who you are? You too have to be willing to get in touch with who you are beyond the lazy tendency to compartmentalize our lives and who we are.
The measure of a man is not how well he can assimilate to someone else’s standard, but how passionately he holds to his own truth - even in a room full of people all too eager to pimp themselves for another man’s approval. What a turn off!
It is far better to live with integrity than to ‘succeed’ as a clown. Learn to emotionalize this truth. Wear it all over your body like your favorite cologne and let its aroma float with your swagger so that all the chicks with tricks will smell your authenticity and stay the hell away from you. Move with confidence, BCBC. Cast a wider net. I am certain you will find the queen deserving of your time, energy and space. I am so proud of you for wanting to save lives. Now get on with the business of saving your self-concept. Remember everyone doesn’t deserve to be front row and center in your life.
I no longer find my relationships stimulating...
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Any information or advice given not intended to provide an alternative to or replacement for professional advice or the services of your physician, psychotherapist, or psychiatrist.