Absolutely, Positively the Very Last Article About Tiger Woods – Until the Next One

2009-12-14
by Eric Easter

Very early on in his career, Tiger Woods did what was perhaps his first (and only) extended and relatively unguarded interview, this with Esquire Magazine. In a casual moment during the photo shoot, he famously made this off-color joke, among others, in the presence of the writer and a crowd of women.

“The Little Rascals are at school. The teacher wants them to use various words in sentences. The first word is love. Spanky answers, "I love dogs." The second word is respect. Alfalfa answers, "I respect how much Spanky loves dogs." The third word is dictate. There is a pause in the room. Finally, Buckwheat puts up his hand.

"Hey, Darla," says Buckwheat. "How my dick ta'te?"

Ignoring for a moment that the joke is painfully unfunny, it (and much of the rest of that interview) showed a young man somewhat stunted in his maturity, and obviously so imprisoned within the confines of his pre-planned public image that his first inclination outside of the spotlight was to rebel.  It was closest thing to a sign that at some point the Tiger train was going to disastrously fall off the rails.

Inside that slickly defined, strictly controlled phenomenon of a 21 year old man was a giggly13-year old boy ready to break out. We’ve seen it before. Michael Jackson sought to recapture his youth with pet monkeys and roller coasters. Tiger Woods found his own youth with dick jokes. And apparently after setting records, becoming a husband and father while also publicly grieving the death of his own father, he found solace and relief in the company of women, a whole bunch of women.

All that is, of course, understandable, if you are a man or understand men. If you revisit that joke and that Esquire article, it was also all probably pretty predictable. Famous people have a need for fame that manifests itself in both competitiveness and deep insecurity. Being adored one day and taking out the trash the next is a dynamic that requires an amazing strength of mind to manage.  Given his extraordinary global public profile, I think he can be forgiven for not practicing real life as diligently as he practices his sport.

Some people are not forgiving, like the folks who run Accenture, the first company to drop Woods as an endorser. But who the hell even knows or cares what Accenture does anyhow? They’re a consulting company. They make nothing. What exactly did they have to lose as a brand by being associated with Tiger? The people who drop away from him now were never with him, so good riddance to them. Knowing who is a friend and who is not will be a great side benefit of this crisis for Tiger. He should consider that one of several silver linings in this dark cloud.

As for taking a break from golf, I’ll take the opposite view of every other man on earth and say that Tiger has made a good decision. We all know that indefinitely most likely means no longer than the time he spent out for his knee surgery. Just long enough to relieve the pressure, not enough to be forgotten.

I also disagree with those who claim he needs to make a public apology on camera to put a face to the issue. Tiger owes strangers no explanation, at least until it’s time to come out and play. And as for golf, it will survive eventually. The economy was killing the industry long before this Tiger stuff, but some day soon it will snap back, with or without its most famous role model.

What’s most important to Tiger right now is Tiger. At some point in the future, Mr. Woods will be on his deathbed, hailed as a legend but most of his accomplishments forgotten by a new generation of young men and women who will have far exceeded his success. At that moment he will look at his life and the awards will flash in front of him, the accolades, the travel, the expensive toys. But the one thing that will plague him – if he does not take this moment – is the time he will have lost with his children, the simple lasting pleasures stolen from him in trade for minor pleasures with women who ultimately did not care enough to stop talking. Will it have been worth it? Of course not.

Don’t feel sorry for Tiger Woods right now. Be happy for him. Along with the incredible God-given gifts he’s already been given, he’s just been given the gift of some much-needed perspective –a deathbed revelation without the required death. If he can gather his wits about him and live up to his ideals as father in keeping with his ideals as a legend, he will come out of this a better man, better golfer and hero that we can continue to admire.