Get Yours
helping other black women get theirs
2007-12-04
By Iman A. Jefferson

 
While on the sitcom “Girlfriends,” fictitious character Maya Wilkes’ successful self-help book, “Oh, Hell Yes!” was a hit, in reality, there was never a book tailor-made for young Black women. Until now.
Harper’s Bazaar deputy editor in chief Amy DuBois Barnett has gotten hers and wants other Black women to get theirs. In Barnett’s debut book, “Get Yours! The Girlfriends’ Guide to Having Everything You Ever Dreamed Of And More,” she has nailed many of the daily conundrums urban Black women face, whether it’s knowing when to get rid of “the list” for the perfect man or putting down that pair of Laboutins at Neiman’s. She even goes a step further to enlist advice from successful Black celebrities in their respective fields.
 Aside from dos and don’ts on how to manage life’s obstacles, the former editor of Teen People and Honey magazines opens up about her own personal highs and lows. With liberal use of the universal phrase “girlfriend,” Barnett engages readers with her own tales – from the “ugly duckling” adolescence, the untimely death of her mother, a battle with weight, to becoming the first African American woman to head a mainstream publication, then meeting the man who later became her husband. “Get Yours” is Barnett’s personal story of how to take control of your life and make it work.
Sitting quietly at a nondescript Starbucks casually dressed in a cardigan and jeans, svelte frame, and bursting with confidence, it’s hard to believe Barnett has ever faced any hardships. She reveals there isn’t anything extraordinary about her and hopes “Get Yours” will be part of her legacy as a Black woman.
“I hit rock bottom when I was in my early twenties and was able to change my attitude about myself and the world at a very young age. I have a certain responsibility, and I feel very fulfilled helping women, Black women, to move forward,” she says. “Getting yours is what makes you feel good, it’s about getting the life you want, not the life people have drawn out for you, and going for it.”
 As a wife and the mother of 20-month-old old Max, Barnett says she’s gotten hers but there’s so much more to get. “I am at a slightly different place now that I have a son. But I do feel there is a lot more I have to achieve. I have a very simple life right now. I have had a range of experiences… I’ve partied with Puffy when ‘Puffy parties’ were good. I’ve had a good time. I’ve traveled all around the world. So, for me, right now it’s about spending time with myself and spending time with my son.”
  Already in the midst of preparing a novel along with penning another advice book, Barnett is dedicated to continual upliftment of Black women. “I want to keep putting this message out there and help Black women get what they want, and be able to move with authority. We’re not necessarily supported by our society. We have to go out there and get it.”
 Part of Barnett’s drive is due to her philosophy of having a full, adventurous life and having a sense of responsibility. For her, that is essential in being able to achieve anything else. “My mom passed away when she was 49, and I’m 38 and I think about her life, she was my role model, my inspiration and I think about how much she accomplished in her years on the planet. I look to that as an example on how to have a rich full life. I’m inspired by people who have these full lives.”

For more about Amy DuBois Barnett and her book “Get Yours! The Girlfriends’ Guide to Having Everything You Ever Dreamed of and More”, visit www.amyduboisbarnett.com

Plan at least one day to get together with family members. Be the one to initiate. Make an effort to reach out, then continue to keep in contact.

Send a newsletter NO!

Become independent –If you’re still living w/ family or are otherwise financially reliant on a relative, do your best to move out and establish your freedom.  EASIER SAID THAN DONE.

Recognize that as much as you love your family, you do not have to turn into them.

Allow for the pain. Nothing hurts quite like an absent father, and it doesn’t just go away when you become an adult. GOOD, PRACTICAL ADVICE.

Remember the sacrifices your elders made so you could drop $10 on a cocktail.

Monique: I don’t go back and forth with my husband because I trust his word. Earlier graph: I don’t think a kid should see a mom & dad argue, but it’s OK to disagree. And when a child sees that you come back together even after you disagree, they understand, “This ain’t nothing that will make us walk away from each other…”

PROMISE PAGES

My Dreams and Goals for my family relationships are:
I promise that today I will:
This year I promise to:
I will always:

Pushing yourself means attempting things you’re not entirely sure you can do and setting goals that are beyond what is easily achievable.

Quiz: Are You The Head Honey in Charge?
Very TEEN PEOPLE