BIG IDEAS

OK.OK. So the Americans have been stinking up the joint this year. The men and the women dropped the baton literally and figuratively. That just means you have to jump across the war a bit to find somebody to root for. if you’re smart, you stuck with Jamaica.

Usain Bolt ran the third leg, guaranteeing that Asafa Powell could roll it out for a long lead. Not to spoil things, but the American world record got crushed all to hell.

This performance of the Morehouse cheerleading squad is causing a ruckus on the campuses of Spelman and Morehouse right now. Apparently some people don’t think all that tuition should be paid to teach their daughters how to get a job at Magic City.

Now, aside from that fact that Magic City probably pays better than most jobs in this economy, I guess they might have a point. Does seem a bit hypocritical that the men’s college so directly related in spirit and history to its female counterpart, which famously rejected several rap acts for their objectification of women, would see fit to continue the cheerleading booty shake tradition. Then again, show me a college where cheerleaders aren’t objectified, burlesque-style performance or otherwise.

I can only make this observation because I’m from Baltimore too, and I love Rep. Elijah Cummings. He’s a great guy and a fine congressman. But it was hard not to laugh out loud watching the Congressional hearing on steroids when Rep. Cummings kept loudly reminding Roger Clemens that he was testifying under “oaf.”  Yikes!

That was, of course, right after I stopped laughing out loud about the fact that Congress is spending our tax money giving a rat’s ass about baseball or steroids.

OK, so Egypt beat my Indomitable Lions of Cameroon to win the Africa Cup. Doesn’t make me happy but the Giants beat the Patriots so one victory was enough I guess. One good thing about Egypt winning - the next time somebody tries to tell you that Egypt is not in Africa, here’s another way to prove it.

Photo credit: Getty Images

While we’ve been focusing on one big match-up, the continent’s been mesmerized by something just as big - The Africa Cup of Nations. So an update for those who’ve been too pre-occupied with Super Tuesday:

Cameroon’s Indomitable Lions just beat Tunisia 3-2 to win its place in Thursday’s semi-final game, where they take on Ghana. Egypt defeated Angola 2-1. They go on to play the Ivory Coast.

I just got back my Africa DNA and found out my Dad’s side originates with the Ewondo people of central Cameroon - along with Manu Dibango, Yannick Noah and them fine women from Les Nubians. Likely no relation at all, but as long as nobody can prove it I’m claiming them. Needless to say I’m rooting for Cameroon to go all the way.

If you haven’t checked it out yet, you’re missing Fred Williamson’s reports from Super Bowl LVII. Fred, if you don’t recall was one of the stars of Super Bowl I. He contributes a regular sports column for our site. Coming up later in February: Fred’s Film School, wherein Fred gives all you wannabe directors and producers a lesson on super duper guerilla filmmaking on a shoestring and cracking the European market when everyone says Black people don’t sell overseas. If the Hammer did it, you can too. But then again, you ain’t The Hammer.

Another in a series of posts on Michael Vick and our ongoing hypocrisy regarding varmints, critters and other four legged beasties.

Here’s why Disney can’t be trusted: they pushed Chip & Dale, the ultra polite squirrels on us and we fell for it hook, line and sinker. Next thing you know, your kids are in the park giving squirrels names and feeding them popcorn you bought with your hard-earned money. We’ve even mythologized the whole gathering nuts thing as some kind of analogy to thriftiness and wealth creation.

Does a rat get the same treatment? Not on your life. We gladly give overfed squirrels the good food we eat, but hide the food we threw away from starving rats. Is that rational? And how do squirrels repay us? By helping themselves to garden vegetables, throwing acorns at our heads and ripping $300 holes in our attics and causing thousands of dollars in electrical wiring fees, that’s how.

How long are humans going to hold the grudge against rats for that little plague misunderstanding? That was in 1665 for goodness sakes! O.J. can walk into a restaurant, but let a rat go in and all hell breaks loose.

Not that people haven’t tried to give rats a shot at redemption. Michael Jackson tried it with Ben. Pixar thought they were on to something with Ratatouille. But rats cooking dinner in a restaurant? Even my 3 year-old was offended.Nope, in this competition, squirrels get the nod, but only because of the bushy tail. Give a rat a blow dryer, and hey, no difference whatsoever.

Maybe with rats and squirrels we’re asking the wrong question. It shouldn’t be “Which is cuter?” It should be “Which is better - BB rifle or .22?”

Third in a series of posts on Michael Vick and the shifting American views on animal protection.

Last year, Whole Foods Market, under pressure from some shadowy crustacean-centric lobbyists, ceased the sale of live lobsters in all their U.S. stores. The reason was to avoid accusations of cruelty. Whole Foods wasn’t being accused of cruelty, however. No, it was you, me and everybody else who happily walked by those spiny creatures with full knowledge that they were in a glass enclosed Death Row, on their way to a hot (and buttery) execution. Thing is, you can still buy a can of lobster meat at Whole Foods. Moreover, dead (and overpriced) animals abound in Whole Foods, they’re just grass-fed and wrapped in plastic. Apparently, the distance between humans and the slaughtering process makes all the difference.
Why then no such outcry over the crab? Are the boiling screams of crabs no less than the passionate yelps of the regal lobster?
I’m from Baltimore, and have participated in the untimely death of many a crab and I can attest that the screaming thing is urban myth. It’s not a scream at all, it’s more a group sizzle followed by a couple of post-mortem twitches, then spicy and flavorful silence. Sounds brutal, but after you watch a bushel of crabs pull one another’s legs off in order to save their own butts, you’re reminded of your co-workers and, well, you’re pretty much ready for them to die by then.
That explains the crab conundrum, but then what about crawfish? Just baby lobsters right? Same anatomy. Same partnership with cold beer. What’s the issue? Seems the more you look like an insect, the less love you get in proportion.
Next up: Squirrels. Adorable fuzzballs or tree rats?

An ongoing look at the Michael Vick case and our weird relationship with animals.

Poor chickens. We watched Foghorn Leghorn get smacked around by a dog and a midget bird over and over on Saturday mornings and apparently the image, with some help from the Colonel and KFC, did permanent damage. Apparently, nobody will go too far out of their way to stand up for a chicken.

Jesse Jackson has protested for the rights of chicken workers, but not the chickens. Even crunchy organic hippies only insist that chickens be allowed to roam free and live a little before you cut off their heads, scramble their children for breakfast and drink broth made from their boiled skin to cure your cold. Even the tofu industry feels compelled to manufacture a tofu chicken nugget.

People are quick to suggest a racial double standard on the Vick case, but Vick’s predecessor just a few years ago was Roy Jones, boxing superstar and champion cockfighter. While the Vick case has the quarterback before a judge and in fear of his career, Jones (who freely admitted his vice with no regret) only suffered a few verbal lumps from Hulk Hogan, a minor investigation by the Feds and a call from the Humane Society for HBO to sanction a fight. HBO passed.

Why just a slap of the wrist? Can you think of even one sympathetic chicken character in our popular culture? Does anybody ask their Mom is they can bring home a stray chicken?

The obvious dividing line here is level of tastiness. Chickens are just too low on the food chain to warrant serious protection.

First in a series of posts on Michael Vick and our wacky relationship with our four-footed and be-winged cousins.

A doctor friend of mine spent considerable time in Somalia during the droughts in the early 90s. My obvious question to him after he got back from that starving land - “What did you eat?” His answer? Lobster. Bigger than your head. We ate like kings in the medical compound. Somalis don’t eat lobster.”

Just as one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, one culture’s delicacy was another culture’s bottom feeding water roach with claws. So much so that folk would rather starve than consume it.

An odd segue perhaps, but all that to say that while Stephon Marbury may have been slighty off base about his comparison of dog fighting to deer hunting in regard to Michael Vick, he may have in fact been on to something. The differences we assign to our treatment of certain animals is illogical at best, and often for no other reason than one being slightly cuter than other even though they may be fundamentally the same animal. Our fear of rats vs. their winged and equally nasty flying version, the pigeon, is only one example.

So over the next week or so, we’ll be looking at human beings’ multiple hypocrisies when it comes to our furry and flappy friends. Stay posted.